Category Archives: Children
The Way They Learn…
The Way They Learn is the title of a book by Cynthia Tobias that tells us about how our children learn best. 200 words is not even close to enough space to tell you about how it all works, so instead, I will get you started and if you like what you hear you can purchase the book yourself (you can order it from First Free’s bookstore “The Scroll”).
Have you ever wondered why some children learn better with flashcards and others can memorize things easier by seeing a picture? Or maybe you noticed that some children take what you say very literally and others can read between the lines or simply get the ”gist” of it. This happens because of a child’s learning style and understanding a child’s learning style will not only help you at home, but it will help your child succeed at school!
When I was in college, I visited Paris, France over spring break with some friends. Not knowing a lick of French, It was an extremely frustrating task trying to order food, get directions, or even find the bathroom! The language barrier stopped me dead in my tracks when it came to communication. I tell you this as an example of how we should try to look at the way children learn. If you fail to communicate with them or have them study in a way that does not connect with them, it’s like me speaking with the Frenchman…FRUSTRATING! If you want to help your child both at home and in school, I highly suggest picking up this book from Focus on the Family and learning more about how your child learns best.
Awkward Turtle: Teaching Preteens About Sex
“The awkward turtle” is a gesture you make with two hands (it looks like a turtle) when someone has raised a very, well, awkward topic in a conversation and you want to move out of it quickly. If you could see me now, I am using the awkward turtle because this article briefly addresses the often-uncomfortable issue of sex education.
Preteens (children ages 10-12) are entering their pubescent stage where they undergo their greatest physiological development. As their voices crack and body odor becomes more apparent, they also begin to…take a deep breath parents…recognize the opposite sex! Obviously, this is a good thing because God wired us this way. But there are dangers. Movies and Internet provide plenty of “sex sells” type advertising and pornography is a thriving industry still in the United States. Here is a fact we need to accept…YOUR CHILDREN WILL BE EXPOSED TO THESE REALITIES…so why not beat the world to the punch?
I have one simple suggestion in this article: be the first one to discuss the difficult topics of dating, sexuality, drugs and alcohol, etc. with your children. If they are going to hear/see/think about it because of the world, we might as well have the first shot at telling them about God’s purpose for our lives and our bodies before the world says otherwise! You are the best judge of when your preteen is ready, but typically around 5th or 6th grade you want to at least begin having those conversations with your child.
Date Night…
No, date nights are not just for mom and dad! How often do you have a “date night” with your kids? Parents sometimes feel very disconnected from their preteens because in a rapidly changing world, these digital natives keep up while parents are feeling a bit left in the dust. Well here are 10 simple but fun things you could be doing with your preteen. All you need to do is…set a date!
- Play video games. Ok ok, I know, you have not played video games since the Nintendo (or even Atari?) years. Who cares, let your preteen smash you. Who knows…maybe you’ll like it!
- Go to a movie.
- Play them in a game of basketball…or whatever sport they prefer.
- Go out for ice cream.
- Give them a spending limit and head to your local Toys-R-Us. Buy something you can have fun with together.
- Go on a bike ride.
- Read a story.
- Take them to a baseball game.
- Go to the mall and have lunch at the food court.
- Play a board game (one of my favorites!).
Bullying…
Bullying is something most children grow up dealing with to some extent. Even though one party is being physically “hurt”, bullying is physically, mentally and emotionally painful for everyone involved. Bullying is a response to deeper issues within an individual. So…
What can parents do?
Get the whole story.
Could your child be instigating some of this? What type of bullying is it (physical, verbal, cyber, emotional, racial, or sexual)? These are questions parents can find out by simply talking to their child (Tip: Don’t provide answers for your child. Meaning, don’t fill in the blanks for them. Let them tell the story. If they are having trouble recalling, simply give them time to remember. When you interrupt with your own guess, they may take your answer and use it as part of the story even if it wasn’t). I would write down the story so if you need to refer to it later you have it. Include date and time information.
Create Space.
Encourage your child to tell the bully (if you deem it safe) to stop and to steer clear of the bully when it is not necessary for them to be together.
Talk to the Parent.
Call or talk at school with the parent of the bully. Let them know what is happening and ask them to speak with their child about ending their bullying. If your child has fault, please acknowledge it so the parent does not feel like their child is being attacked. It is human nature that we are more inclined to listen when we feel like the person talking is being fair in their evaluation.
Go to the Principal
If bullying persists, approach the principal and let him/her know the steps you have taken. It would help to bring the written story from step one so the principal has the whole picture.
***A disclaimer here is that if the bullying is causing serious harm, I suggest approaching the school immediately. Parents are ultimately the judges of how serious the situation is. If you feel uncomfortable or uncertain, go straight to the school.
Digital Natives…
Children are being referred to as “Digital Natives”. This term means that they have never known a world without the serious influence of media and technology. There are no “before there was internet…” stories for you children, it has always existed. The good news is that there are a plethora of resources available now for your child’s spiritual development and you can have it at the click of a button! The real question is how do we deal with all the bad stuff? If you are a parent or guardian of a preteen, here are some simple guidelines to help you navigate this:
- Set boundaries. Your child has a right to their private space (i.e. journals), but when it comes to Internet and, more specifically, social networking, those are public forums for predators and inappropriate content and you have every right to monitor that. Let your child know what they are allowed to look at online and know their passwords to social networking sites. If they do not like those rules, then they will not have the privilege of using internet.
- Talk openly. When they ask, “Why?” and you say, “Cause’ I said so!” you have missed a golden opportunity to teach! From the beginning, be honest with your children about why you set boundaries and how you love them and are concerned for their safety. Will it guarantee they will cave in easy? No, but it sure helps to know that you respect them enough to be honest.
- Check consistently. It is one thing to say you will monitor their accounts; it is another thing to actually do it! Make sure you log in a few times each month to make sure all is well.
Site Seeing 1…
I am a tech nerd and proud of it. I do not serve technology I make technology serve me, and I want you to do the same. Here are a few resources I think you will find helpful…
http://www.cpyu.org is a great resource for staying connected with youth culture. Consider signing up for their parent news letter at http://www.cpyu.org/page.aspx?id=92061.
Not sure about a movie or wonder if a movie is appropriate for your family? Check out http://www.pluggedin.com, a resource from Focus On The Family…they also have an app for your iPhone.
Do you have younger kids? Take them to http://www.jellytelly.com. This is now a FREE site that has some great biblical content, my boys (7yrs, and 4yrs) love it!
Feel free to post your favorite resources in the comments below!
Bertie Holmgren
Beth Fontana
Brandon Early
Erin Blume
Josh Afram
Luke Uran
Teresa Hubbard
